Elizabeth C. Mishler, parent of Paul, 12
I grew up with phrases like “Free to be You and me,” “Question Authority,” “Let It All Hang Out,” and “Power to the People.” “Subvert the dominant paradigm” became a mantra of mine. In fact, all of these slogans require a person to be aware of themselves in the world, to be aware of other people around them, and to be consciously cognizant of the effects they have on others and on the environment.
Fast forward to 2007, when my son Paul was born. Suddenly subverting the dominant paradigm required a lot more commitment and conviction, and the stakes were a whole lot higher. Deciding what school your child will attend is a very big deal. In Chicago, especially, it is a colossally big deal. We braved the bureaucracy, visited every school we were aware of, subjected our son to the absurd selective enrollment tests, and ultimately settled on the dual-language program of a progressive nonprofit charter school.
Paul attended this school for 5 years. He benefited from the school’s commitment to organic meals and the curricular focus on global awareness, sustainability, and environmental stewardship. But something happened. Along the way our son was bullied and made to feel like an outsider. He had friends at the school, but in general was very unhappy. After 4th grade, we were very concerned about his return to that school’s environment and to an unfriendly and ineffective teacher.
One of the school’s administrators, a well-qualified, loving, progressive individual, recommended Tallgrass. We had not heard of Tallgrass before and, other than the Brookfield Zoo, had very little knowledge of the Riverside area. The principal described an innovative, mixed-age school where learning is self-initiated and self-motivated. Her belief is that Sudbury schools are right for all kids, it’s just that not all parents are ready for it. Because we trusted her and wanted our child to thrive and be happy, of course we visited. We brought friends and family and had many discussions about the decision. We knew we would have to set aside our preconceived notions and former expectations in order to fully trust the process. We are comfortable trusting our kid and ultimately, because he wanted to go to Tallgrass, here we are.
Being at Tallgrass has changed our lives in many positive ways, the most important of which is that Paul is very happy. He is much much happier than before; he is also orders of magnitude more confident. He is no longer in a system that wanted to “blame the child” and that recommended ridiculous interventions to change our son. We didn’t want Paul to change; he is fine the way he is. Instead we wanted to subvert the dominant paradigm! The irony is that the very parents who taught me to be a free thinker who questions authority had been public school teachers their whole careers. My parents are outstanding teachers: I had my mother for high school classes such as English, drama, speech, philosophy, and communications. My father allowed me to help him teach a unit on the Declaration of Independence to his 7th grade geography class. The traditional 19th-century model worked for me. It worked less so for my husband, but he survived the process.
(As a sidebar, the model a lot of us grew up with does not actually exist anymore except for the very, very wealthy and/or privileged. In our public schools, we had fully funded and staffed music, drama, art, physical education, and outdoor education along with extracurricular clubs and organizations for virtually every imaginable interest. So, for me it was like a smorgasbord where I got to choose what I wanted to do.)
But back to Tallgrass. Other positive ways in which Tallgrass has changed our lives include:
The uniforms that were a subtle reminder of conformity and homogeneity have been replaced by a wardrobe of Paul’s choosing.
Rigid start and end times that invariably added stress to an already unpleasant commute through rush-hour traffic have been replaced by a schedule that is both sensible and flexible.
The overwhelming volume of homework that we couldn’t hope to have finished has vanished, and along with it, our son’s sense of inadequacy.
We have more time to be together as a family and the challenge now is for my husband and I to support our son appropriately in the endeavors of his choice. This is a process for us, and we are trying to get better by attentively listening to our son and responding constructively. As a family we are exploring this new dynamic by employing egalitarian principles at home and discouraging any one of us from becoming dictatorial. Compromises are negotiated and solutions and strategies often come from Paul, who has a greater propensity for diplomacy than either of us.
We are grateful to have found this community, and look forward to the next five years of adventures at Tallgrass. Paul has already said that he wants to go here through graduation.
